A Birthday Letter

My Darling Emma

Today you turn 2. It is with some amazement and surprise that we have somehow, by God's grace, survived all this time. We are still struggling with the everyday routines and last night was another classic night of wakes and starts, and lots of tears. I don't think you understood when I told you it is your birthday today. Anyway, I thought I'd pen down some of the wonderful growth we have seen in you over the past year. 

The first half was marked with lots of physical progress - in height, in your progression from walking to running and in activities like being able to feed yourself, take off your shoes and hold a toothbrush. 

We were blessed with having your grandmother look after you at home. You started to go to some play groups, to the local museum and to the library. Often she would also take you on the tube to various places in london - to the tower, to concerts, to the park at Greenwich. You gained a healthy affinity for books and loved to read. Your understanding was opened and you appeared to comprehend everything we said to you, though you didn't say a word. 

You were slow to speak, preferring to listen and observe the world and people around you, but my, have you caught up in the speech department. More on that later. 

We went to Cornwall over Easter, and it was a long car ride, but I don't remember you being too much trouble in the car, though you have categorically refused to be in your infant car seat pretty much all the time. We had a pretty rubbish holiday because it rained everyday, and you were so clingy to me that I had to have breakfast on my own, though we did go swimming which you loved, remembering some of the routines from the swimming class you used to attend. You had your first ice cream in the town of Polperro? 

I had the privilege of a few weeks off work around April, in between jobs. We did quite a lot - went to the British library, the Satchii Gallery, and the Singapore embassy to write in the books of condolence for Lee Kwan Yew, a man you will no doubt learn about. We also took a girls trip to the Cote d'Azure, which was really nice. Mummy was overly ambitious as usual and wanted to see everything between Cannes and Monaco, so we ended up on long bus rides and no time for food which you handled like a trooper, so did Ah Ma. You loved the sea and played with sand for the first time. You have pranced on the red carpet in Cannes, taken the open top bus in Nice and trampled on the grounds on the Monaco palace and casinos. 

And then in June you started Nursery. It must have been so tough for you. From being at home all the time and constant attention to pretty much having to fend for yourself, first for 4 full days a week, to 5. On many days your hours were longer than Mummy's or Daddy's and you did not like being one of the last to be picked up everyday, starting to cry when you see other parents come for their children. But we have been blessed with a good team of teachers and carers who you grew to love and rely on. They also loved you because you were "just so cute", until... One day you decided that you'd misbehave and not follow instructions like the angel they had gotten accustomed to. You have also made some friends. A few months ago I noticed that you could name all your classmates by their photos, now you are more cheeky and would point to a picture, ask me, "who is this?" Before replying your own question with "it's so-and-so". You are now graduating from your first class, "Bumblebees 1" to the next age group "Butterflies 3". We pray that you will find equally good teachers and love the environment, until it changes again. 

If the first half was marked by physical progress, the second was definitely filled with intellectual leaps. You have always been an independent little person, from a very young age, wanting to do things by yourself and your way. And so you refused to learn when we tried to teach you things formally (or at least you would pretend that you're not learning). Instead, you choose to learn through observing and by pressing the buttons on your ABC "iPad" repeatedly. This "teaching" was reinforced through endless hours on YouTube, watching and re watching the same nursery rhymes and shows until you could recite verbatim. That fact I'm not so proud of, because we were determined not to become "iPad" parents and to expose you to too much technology. 

Perhaps it is inevitable in this day and age, and these devices are so intuitive that you figured out how to get to YouTube and play your favourite channels, switching from one to the next and getting rid of distractions along the way like a text that has come in or an advertisement before the real thing. You've also learnt through observation how to make a phone call, which buttons to press and how recognise your daddy's name to phone him. But this will become a stumbling block, dear Emma, we are trying everyday not to feed that "instant gratification" gene in you and to instil ok you the concept of time and tantrum management. We've noticed that you don't like playing with stuffed toys, possible because they are non-interactive or that you're like me and not very good at showing affection. 

However the latter can't be true, because we have also seen a surprising trait of kindness in you. One day last month we were snacking on grapes and you were busy picking them one by one out of the bowl and offering the next one to us the moment we finished one. Since then you have been very concerned that your daddy also gets a piece of your snack. You are generally able to try to share and play with other children - unfortunately your efforts to give them hugs (on command from us) and play together often get repaid with your toys being snatched away (because most children at this age not play alongside other children, not with). I hope you never give up caring and sharing. 

You started talking in earnest around 18-19 months. It started with just a few words but quickly progressed to 2-word full sentence remarks and replies (I'm ready, what happened). You had somehow learnt the difference between me/I and you and now can somehow add the 's to signify possession. Of course, a lot of it comes from copying words we say, but you seem to apply them correctly in the right situations. We are just missing a few conjunctions now ("I want go home now"). We haven't fared so well in Chinese though. apparently we have one more year till the brain nodes stop developing as rapidly in the language department, so we need to work on that with some urgency now... 

We're also starting to experience the start of the "terrible twos". The next year will be a trying one, I can feel it. But it will also be filled with much adventure and much more interaction, as well as many more firsts. How exciting is this journey of life, and how amazing. There is so much in store at every single step. 

Happy 2nd birthday, darling daughter. Thank you for being such a blessing in our lives, and we pray that you will soon come to recognise that the many blessings bestowed on you are from the Giver of all good gifts, your Creator, and also your Saviour. 

Of the twelveth day of july

This day, 6 years ago, I left everything I knew for an unknown future in a foreign land. Today, 6 years on, we are moving on, not from a country, but from a church fellowship I have grown used to, and mostly quite fond of.

It was slightly emotional, but then again, London is a transient city, people understand when people move on. Everyone puts on a brave front, so true emotions are hard to read. There was a small presentation, which I didn't want but understood that would help prevent any misunderstanding. Quite honestly, I don't think I have done my best in my service over the last 6 years, why they were thanking me so profusely. Looking back, I could have put in a lot more effort, but then that's one of the reasons we had to go. Nonetheless, I felt people were genuine. We took some photos, everything was quite surreal. I keep thinking of what P said, it will be a bigger loss to us than a gain to them. Were we being selfish? Yes, definitely. Does it mean it's not God's will? No I don't think so, if this move will mean an awakening of our spiritual lethargy.

I will miss the people who have made such a big impact on my life. I never told them, but I never want to forget. They looked after me and made me feel like I belong, as we were in the same family of Christ. They celebrated milestones with me, and I with them. They invited me into their homes despite knowing nothing about me, they gave me rides in their cars, and they included me in their plans. They shared generously of their material and spiritual blessings, their time and their love, these constitute a debt I can never repay. I have learnt so much from their godly examples, and also more generally about the way of life in this country in terms of culture, practice, sayings, etc etc. Outside of a church setting, I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that the British people are one of the most difficult to get close to, but I can confidently say that the common bond in Christ surpasses that. The only thing I can hope to do is keep in close contact and then extend the same hospitality to others. I feel bad that after all the effort on their part, I'm walking away and turning my back. I had a few solitary tears which I blinked away, as I did on my last Sunday in church on 12 July 2009. The situation was so familiar yet so different.

We will rush through the busy week, and next sunday will arrive sooner than I expect. Time to make a fresh start, on a clean slate. It's a tough process, involving considerable emotional investment. Leaving is a hard thing to do, but so is arriving.

Also, we can maybe start thinking about the next big move after this. There are so many things in life to move on from, and to; I pray that our faith will be the one thing that defies that. 1 Cor 15:58.

Music, a language

Dearest Emma,

You turn 16 months tomorrow, and the pace of your development has been nothing short of extraordinary. We like to think that you're special, brighter than most toddlers your age, but most parents probably think that of their children.

Today we took you to your first classical music concert. It was held in St Paul's Covent Garden, dubbed the Actor's church, for the number of artistes who are buried there. It was our first time at Bach to Baby, a brilliant start-up by a Guildhall professor to bring live classical music to little ears. I've wanted to take you for one of these since you were 3-4 months, but didn't think you were ready. However, you must have listened to the highlights from Beethoven's symphonies dozens of times via Baby Einstein. Suffice to say that you love music, and appear to have quite a good ear. Sometimes when we start to play a tune (of one of your nursery rhymes) on there piano, you would very quickly pick up which song it is and do the actions.

Well, today you showed me that you can do more than recognise tunes, you can pick out the melody from a piece even when it's in the left hand or in a variation. One of the pieces performed today was Twelve Variations on "Ah vous dirai-je, Maman" by Mozart, which was effectively 12 variations on the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star". You knew exactly when the stars appear, when to point up to the sky, and when to make the diamond shape with your fingers. I vaguely recall that one of the tests in the aural exams at grade 6 or 7 requires one to pick out the tune in alto, tenor or bass. Maybe you will find that easier than most.

Sure, you may not be able to speak (which by many standards is quite slow for your age, I think), but you definitely can make yourself understood with your animated gestures and nods at all the right junctures in a conversation, even if it doesn't involve you. You enjoy playing " deejay" with your musical mobile, and farm mash-up toy, complete with dancing along.

Perhaps you have also decided that music will be your first language.

No pressure, darling.

Much love,
Mummy

Turning one

Dear baby,

Today we mark exactly one year since you came to us. How life has been made different since then! There will be no fanfare or party this year, mostly because we just got back from Singapore and we are both feeling slightly unwell, but also because we figured that you won't really be able to join in the celebrations anyway and we will have many more birthday parties which you'll be able to enjoy, God willing.

Instead, I would like to reflect and recollect some of the precious moments and lessons from the past year. None of these are revelations but to have experienced them first hand is to have a life changed forever.

1. The whole process of gestation, birth and the early months of growth are truly nothing short of a miracle. Indeed, it is the miracle of life. You have grown so quickly and developed by leaps and bounds that its hard to believe that not so long ago, you could fit in my womb or that even the smallest clothes couldnt fit, or that you lay on your back for hours on end, pretty much helpless.

2. Parenthood has redefined patience and sacrifice for me. I never thought I could survive on prolonged lack of, or interrupted sleep, but here I am still alive after 12 months. (Although it would be really nice if you could please quickly learn to sleep through the night!) I also learnt that it's OK to put someone else's needs ahead of my own, no matter how sorry I feel for myself. The funny thing is, after a while I stopped feeling sorry for myself because I was too busy and butterfly brained.

3. The joy on a baby's face is possibly the purest emotion mankind is capable of. The smiles and laughter I would not trade for anything, and I just hope that the world would not rob you of that child-like innocence too soon. Also, the pure delight you express when you see me makes all the tough times melt away. Not forgetting how you would run (not that you can even walk properly) to me for a cuddle after you get tired of throwing all the Lego bricks out of the box or after trotting around non-stop for a few minutes.

4. On the flip side, it's sad to see that even a baby as young as you are naturally tends towards disobedience. It's obvious that the curse of sin did not bypass you, as beautiful as you are. From only a few months old you have shown how strong-willed you are, and how demanding you can be. Whilst we thank God for his mercies in preserving you from any sickness through the 1st year (tho you now have cough and sniffles the day before your first birthday thanks to me), it is obvious that our bodies are frail and far from perfect.

5. Let's talk about progress. For what felt like the longest time, it seemed like all you could do was lie flat on your back and trail all the other babies. Development is not a competition, but one day you finally flipped over and have been racing ahead ever since. In the last month, you have made remarkable steps such as pointing, recognising words, understanding commands, walking, throwing things and even folding your hands to pray. You amaze us with your perseverance, learning to walk is no easy feat, especially when yoy,'re forced to practice wearing socks or tights on a smooth laminated floor. You would toddle a few steps and then fall, but you would pick yourself up and try again. You would do that over and over and over again, each time gaining a bit more confidence and an extra step with every few tries. I feel so tired for you and wish I could help, but I know the process is important, it is good training ground and i hope you will carry this attitude through life.

So my darling, you will very soon cease to be a baby. Before that happens I pray that we will cherish these little moments that God has given us and try to make notes more frequently for we soon forget in the rapid pace of life. I pray that you will be blessed with health and strength so that you can grow in stature and knowledge (per chance coming to saving grace), and I pray that you will always find solace in the arms of your parents.

Happy blessed 1st birthday!

How i spent my last day of maternity leave

Bank holiday with all the family. The day started out as most other this last 4.5 months, giving Emma her morning feed, playing with her for a bit, putting her back to sleep and then trying to catch a few more winks, finally giving up when the rascal indicates that she's up for the day.

Then I ironed some work clothes, as I could no longer procrastinate any further.

With E being taken on a walk with the grandmother, we managed to curl up on the sofa to watch a couple of episodes of "Suits". I then managed to upload some photos from my camera and look through photos from the first 3 months with Emma. Perfect to provide some closure to an exciting time of my life.

For the first time ever, I was free from work, and I had grand plans to accomplish great things. A lot of them remained as plans, but I also took the opportunity to do some things I would otherwise not have had a chance too. Together with my very garang mummy, we managed to explore London by public transport and on tube, and I learnt that Emma could learn to incorporate herself into our lives. We brought the pram out, wheeled it into all sorts of places including a michelin-starred restaurant with unfriendly patrons, carried the heavy pram (and baby) up and down flights of stairs, and also walked a great deal with Emma strapped on in a sling (feels a bit like being pregnant again).

I also returned to Singapore and stayed for the longest time since I left it in 2009. Did a lot and very little at the same time there, probably best left for recollection another day.

I also managed to bake a cake tonight, in preparation for the MIL's birthday tomorrow. Wasn't a runaway success but not a complete trainwreck of a cheesecake, owell.

But just as the day was about to end and I was about to retire to the bedroom, I heard a very loud knock on the door, which sounded very urgent. Now I know that D was on the way back from the gym and he was trying to open the door (I heard the keys). So I thought that either the door was stuck or there was someone following him or something, so I rushed to open it but only slightly. I saw a rather lifeless him at the door, which I thought quite normal for someone returning from a hard workout at the gym, but in the same split second I saw his keys and phone on the floor and a face white as sheet. Like he had been stabbed. I instantly knew he was losing consciousness so I shouted at him to hold onto me. There was no reaction so he obviously couldn't hear me. I wanted to steady him but there was a big problem - I had Emma in my arms. On hindsight, there are several other ways I could have approached the emergency situation better, but what i did was try to grab him with one arm and Emma with the other. Only that I instantly discovered that I cannot support the weight of a man in that position and I nearly dropped Emma in the process, only managing to hang on to her thighs as she did a backflip in my arms towards the ground. Instinctively I pushed D towards the corner wall hoping it would somehow cushion the fall, and rescued the baby. Then I shouted for help. By the time help came (in the form of the MIL to help carry E), D was already on the floor, still white and very dazed. The recovery took a good while. Thankfully he's fine now. He says that he now has more compassion for me when I faint........ *sigh*

A million thoughts race through my mind as I close my eyes to sleep. Apprehension about going back to work, fear of the struggle to balance work load and family, worry about how the baby will be fed from henceforth, etc etc. I am also incredibly thankful to God for preserving D's life and the reminder that we owe everything including our very breath to God. What if no one heard the door knocks, what if he collapsed right outside the door of his own home and never woke up? What if I had really dropped E and D subsequently collapsed on her? We were preserved from any worse outcome. Thank God that it is by His mercies that we are still well, so may tomorrow and tomorrows be lived for Him.

Tea

It was a huge effort to put together E's afternoon tea. The baking frenzy started 3 days before. Thankfully most of the bakes turned out quite decent, so I thought I should put down the recipes I used here for future reference...

1. Japanese Souffle Cheesecake

Recipe: http://justonecookbook.com/recipes/japanese-cheesecake/

Modifications: I used 5 eggs instead of 6 as the husband said it was too eggy the first time round

2. Crepe Pancakes

Recipe: http://www.nigella.com/recipes/view/CREPES-5303

Notes: ensure that the pan is super hot before starting out; the first crepe is usually a disaster.

Fillings: Fresh Strawberries, fresh bananas, nutella, honey, cheese, anything!

3. Mini scones with/without raisins

Recipe: http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/4622/classic-scones-with-jam-and-clotted-cream

Notes: Heat milk first before adding lemon juice! Always bake and serve fresh the same day.

4. Chocolate Brownies

Recipe: http://www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/chocolate-recipes/bloomin-brilliant-brownies

Notes: Use good quality chocolate (green & black's) and good quality pure cocoa powder

5. Banana Walnut Cake

Recipe: http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/700633/banana-and-walnut-cake

Notes: Roast Walnuts first, I only used 100g, also probably better to chop the ones inside the cake up. Also use overripe bananas or the taste will not be as strong/sweet

The whole works, including the sandwiches which my mummy lovingly prepared (egg mayo & watercress; honey roasted ham and cheese)

Baking success, yay! Next time I can try the cupcakes as well but wasn't brave enough this time so they were store-bought from Lola's (buy 9 get 3 free) and Candy Cakes (9 for £7.50, mini-sized)and oh-so-yummy!

Who is that girl I see...

...Staring straight back at me?

I think it must be a really scary feeling being new to mirrors. As I carry E in her favourite position, being upright against me, I cannot see her face and have to use the mirror to check what she's up to. I think I see a crazy, almost petrified, look in her eyes as she stares at the mirror, for I know she recognises me but then hears my voice come from a different direction. Worse, she sees a stranger, that is, herself, being carried in my arms. Of course she's too young to grasp the concept of mirrors, so this line from the Mulan song holds literal meaning for her. She doesn't recognise herself.

In another literal application, I look in the mirror and see double sometimes. I catch little expressions and actions that are exactly identical to mine own, but performed by my little girl. In fact, I think she looks a lot like me when I was little, but people who knew me when I was little don't seem to think so.

In deeper reflection, what have I become? A mother. The high calling that demands more, more and more. Thank God for seeing me through 3 whole months. On the monthsary we "celebrated" by having Indian takeaway for dinner, just like on the night E was born. Glad to report that we are all still alive and kicking (E more so than us) with no major ailment befallen yet! Watching her daily brings so much joy, that renders all the other troubles quite small. Cliché, but true.

The waiting game - part one

"As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all."

Ecclesiastes 11:5

The formation of a whole human form with its complex features and functions is a miracle! The miracle of life is the amazing handiwork of an all-wise God.

Thank You for the privilege of being able to feel this wonderful development in the flesh. May I learn to stand amazed in His presence, and wait patiently for the rest of His works to unfold.

Saw the midwife (or should I say midhusband) today. Apparently she is only 1/5 engaged so it might be a while yet, though I still have this niggly feeling it is imminent. I hate surprises but this is completely out of anyone's control now, except the Lord's. If I make it to the next appointment she will be overdue, so it could well be that the next time I see a midwife it will be under very different circumstances... Will it be a day, a week or 3 weeks? God only knows.

So blessed :)

What is worse than not being able to breathe properly from persistent kicking of your ribs and lungs?

Having a blocked nose at the same time.

Alas, the dreaded cold has overcome my vulnerable state on the eve of Christmas eve, but the state of pregnancy has somehow mysterious left me with blocked passages whenever I lie me down to sleep.

Nonetheless I am so thankful, for health and strength thus far, and for relatively good healthcare.

Really looking forward to tomorrow. The dear family back home has bought me a prenatal spa day and I'm looking forward to some relaxation in late pregnancy. I have survived Christmas thus far, which was a blissfully quiet affair, so let tomorrow pass without any signs of labour. Tomorrow we also get to see our little girl again on the ultrasound scan, our 5th, for which I'm grateful. Jehovah knows our hearts' worries and despite a low-risk and healthy 38 weeks, we have been given 3 more scans than normal. She was a bit small at the last scan, and we got a bit of a scare, but God also sent us an angel to accompany us, someone from church we can trust who is possibly the most qualified midwife in that particular hospital we have been assigned to. I mean, something like 134,000 are born in London each year...

Another surprise, or shock I got today was how generous some people I barely know are. I was made by my boss to put a baby list together some weeks ago, which I did by pulling some wishful thinking and a large price range of a handful of items. The first baby shower came, and I actually got a cheque instead of anything on the list, which was strange but not a bad situation to be in. A week later at a team Christmas dinner, we got a baby monitor from the baby list, which was reasonably pricey but not to bad if shared by 8-10 pple. Still it was very nice. Today I thought I'd have a look on the list to see what other things I had put on, and to my horror, I discovered that every single item on the list had been purchased, by the same person...!!! This really scared me because the value of that list, even without the baby monitor, was stupidly high. I panicked and called John Lewis, who confirmed that all the items have indeed been purchased. To think that they has been unable to reach me as I had given them the wrong contact number (and subsequently ignored their email seeking yo clarify, thinking that the list was over and done with after the showers!) So I ring up my colleague hoping to persuade him to withdraw some of his purchases and he confirmed that there was no mistake, it was a combination of effort from the team and himself. What!!!! Thankfully one of the items has been discontinued but it was the cheapest item on the list! I really don't know what to think... On one hand I can't help but feel like there is an ulterior motive to this, to make me feel forever indebted to my job etc, but on the other hand I would really like to imagine that the intentions were fully positive and something I should graciously accept. I'm sure there is some sort of etiquette to deal with this sort of thing.

There is more. Singaporean friends whom we've met in the UK also organised us a baby shower afternoon tea. I can't believe that 21 people turned up for that and they gave us a generous gift card too. More importantly, the kind thoughts behind it all was really what touched our hearts. E also gave us a handknit cardigan and hat, how precious! Of course, other people in church have also helped us and given us more than we ever deserved... We received 2 handmade baby blankets months before, little baby clothes for christmas and "courier service" for a car seat base we snagged off eBay. These practical help are much appreciated individually, but when thought of in sum are overwhelming altogether!

Of course, family back home are also as eager to get in the action. I know the in-laws, the mom, the sisters and even my grandmother have all prepared gifts. More than the gifts, it's the love driving these actions that make us feel so blessed.

Lastly, the husband has been accommodating to some of my whims and fancies, offering to prepare dinner more often, going headfirst into the crowds of chinatown to stock up on Chinese herbs for confinement, and springing up in the middle of the night when I get them horrible leg cramps. It must be very difficult not feeling as close to the baby physically, but he talks to her in the nights and tells her off for being so hyperactive. Which is kinda sweet I guess!

So tonight, as the clock indicates the opening of the window in which the stork may drop her, and the anxious anticipation swells, I think on the manifold blessings that this child has already brought, and I can't help but smile through my heavy breaths.

Baby you are so blessed!

11/12/13 - 3, 2, 1.... go!

Dear little one,

This scene melted my heart this morning! The daddy has decided to wash the 1st batch of clothes, and the little bodysuits and sleepsuits on the drying rack was a bit of a reality check... Although this might become a more regular sight sooner than we think! 

4.5 weeks to go, but in reality you at at term in 1.5 weeks. We are getting worried now that you will make your grand entrance early, so we have stepped up the buying frenzy and suddenly in the space of a couple of weeks your bedroom is full of stuff! All still in their boxes and original packaging of course, but still... We're almost ready for you! I even bought your first pack of nappies yesterday!

We had 2 baby showers for you over the past few days, people have been very kind to us and we are so thankful. 

Are you going to give us one more quiet Christmas and New Year? Will you hold out till 2014? Not long more... In the meantime, stay active, stay small (but pls don't fall off the charts!) and stay tight in there...!!!

55 days

went for a whole day antenatal class yesterday, and must say that everything sounds pretty daunting, but doable :) 

can't wait to get these 6 weeks of work done and over with.

in the meantime i need to look forward to putting on 0.5kg a week cos apparently baby is only half the size she is supposed to be now - how on earth can that be? i think she's more than big enough now thankyouverymuch. 

just a few more weekends left to do whatever else we need to do before we can't get on with them... the Ledbury last Sat was lovely. it is one restaurant i've been wanting to go for a long time, but never got down to it because it's on the other side of London. The service is first class, a rarity in London and they kindly considered everything, smoking the duck ham twice to ensure it's cooked thoroughly, giving me special pasteurised milk butter, etc, and the food was a perfect 10/10! I would go back in a jiffy (considering it is actually incredibly reasonably priced for a 2-star michelin restaurant especially when you don't order any alcohol) but i don't think that's even a remote possibility for a long time! 

also a few more weekends left to buy the ultra expensive big ticket items we have been putting off for way too long. Bring on the baby all-terrain tank! it's a good thing that the MIL has given up waiting for us to get our act together and went ahead and bought a ton of clothes and other things for us, haha. 

last winter in London?

what if, this were our last winter in London?

one last familiar christmas light display that comes on from oct - feb, one last eerily quiet Christmas day, one last boxing day/January sale, one last never-ending wait for Spring?

Scary thoughts. But we need to stop assuming that this is our life as it is, and change may sweep up along again, and this time next year, we may not be here.

Bonfire night - 5 Nov 2013

I love fireworks. Not quite sure what it is about them but I find the burst of colour and light quite spectacular. Casting back my mind's eye to my first bonfire night in 2009, when I braved the cold to get to Southwark Park for the fireworks display, and was so impressed that it lasted at least a good 20 minutes. Between then and now, I have been thoroughly spoilt - 2 weddings with fireworks, new year's eve, and since moving to this apartment, a panoramic view of fireworks displays across London especially on NYE and 5th of Nov. As the clock strikes 12 on 1 Jan, it is quite cool to see all the fireworks displays going up at once all over London. As for bonfire night, well, the celebrations start the weekend before...

This evening though, as I was looking out the window in the relative warmth and comfort of home, I wondered what the next Bonfire night would hold for us. Will we still be in London? Will we be pushing a stroller somewhere in the cold trying to join in one of the bonfire night displays? Or will we just get sick and tired of the whole fanfare? What kind of child will this be?

Anyway, it's 67 days to go, and just 7.5 weeks until I can stop work... including christmas, hurray! time to start doing some serious shopping...

On another note, we did it!!! One of the crazy things I have always wanted to do is to just book a holiday on a whim, and today we booked a weekend trip to Barcelona for this weekend! It will be a crazy travel weekend, but really looking forward to escaping somewhere warm!

81 pills for 83 days

Bought the last instalment of vitamins/folic acid/omega 3 dunno-whats which should last till D-day, except that D-day is a bit of moving target! Just please let me have one last quiet Christmas, and no drama of having to go to hospital from work... 

Is she really going to triple in weight between now and then? Oh dear.

So many questions, so many things to do and an ever-quickening countdown to a new life (literally!)... So much mixed emotion of apprehension and anticipation. 

Breakfast at Claridge's

Walked through the revolving doors to be greeted by a familiar face. Familiar not because we know each other, but I recognised him to be the elevator man in the TV series on Claridge's. He exists!!!

Strolled down the hallway on ridicously shiny marble floors which made embarrassing squeaky noises against my rubber soles. Checked out the super posh but old school cloakroom, which again was all marble but had a sensor no-touch flush, very funny. Prepared to have a nice breakfast, when... My colleague came in. Then had to speak to some big shots and couldn't have the breakfast I had envisaged. Even some eggs, pastries and juice probably made me look enough of a cheapo freeloader, haha. But I need to come back to this place for tea one day, been putting it off for way too long! Till next time!

In other news, the husband has, for the first time ever, made a restaurant reservation without my prompting! Hooray, let's see if this comes to pass - we are off to the Ledbury.... In November.

In return I bought his all-time favourite cartoon and watched it with him tonight. I cannot believe I have never watched Dumbo in my life. Well, now I have :)

So sweet!!!

wanna be a professional sportswoman?

Dear baby,

At the rate you are going, it looks like we are in for big trouble when you finally meet us. You have been moving non-stop day and night, with seemingly no pattern whatsoever. More so in the last week, when you movements became strong enough for daddy to feel them himself! Keep moving tho, I quite like it, because then I know you're OK. It also reminds me of myself, always on the move, but don't become like me though!

Today was a big day for us. We saw you on the ultrascan - your little feet, long legs, little nose and face. In a somewhat skeletal form... But no matter, it's amazing how you have grown, what a miracle of life, praise God!

We also found out more about you today, that your daddy has gifted you the x chromosome, so you are a girl! I think he is over the moon, because he had always wished for a little girl but dared not hope for one. He had already named you years before you were even conceived, but of course that's a secret for the rest of the world. I guess this is a tiny little bit like God naming and electing His children before the foundation of the world, except He has perfect knowledge of everything.

Straight after the hospital appointment I went to the office (you made me miss a client meeting, but it was definitely worth it). Then I told my boss L about you. I was so scared that he would take it badly because he's quite a workaholic, but thank God for guiding him to react in a contrary manner! I even saw the human side of him then. What a relief, but its not over and I have to keep hiding you for another few days or week. There is another boss, and the rest of the office to tell... Now I'm confident that God will see me through this, because you are a gift from him in the first place!

Enough for today, but hopefully see you again soon, in Singapore! We are flying next week, I hope you are used you planes by now!

Till then, keep on moving, don't stop moving.... xxx

Did you ever talk to God above?

Did you ever talk to God above?

Tell Him that you need a friend to love.

Pray in Jesus’ name believing

that God answers prayer.

Have you told Him all your cares and woes?

Ev’ry tiny little fear He knows.

You can know He’ll always hear

And He will answer prayer.

You can whisper in a crowd to Him.

You can cry when you’re alone to Him.

You don’t have to pray out loud to Him;

He knows your thoughts.

On a lofty mountain peak, He’s there.

In a meadow by a stream, He’s there.

Anywhere on earth you go,

He’s been there from the start.

Find the answer in His Word; it’s true.

You’ll be strong because He walks with you.

By His faithfulness He’ll change you, too.

God answers prayer.

This has always been one of my favourite Sunday School songs. I've now decided that this will be our song (hear that, sista?) 

Now to keep singing it for the next 8 years, and more...gladly!

funny old men

Funny incident which I'd probably still find funny in years to come...

A church choir was started late last year. Obviously with the size of the church the way it is, I thought it'd be better to join. I'm fact I was quite excited about it at the beginning, because the demographics of the church are such that 90℅ of attendees are African or Caribbean, so I naturally expected the famed natural singing talent would prevail. Moreover when choosing the first song I would told to make sure there would be 4 parts - SATB. 

Anyway, it was tough-going. We managed 2 parts for the Christmas piece and the Easter piece, following which I found them the easiest 2-past choral arrangement I could fine,  and still it took us about 3 months to master there song. We are now on to a slightly more challenging, but still easy 3-part piece. I guess the lovely thing about this group is that they are all pretty advanced in age, let's just say half are retirees and the rest a good 10 years ahead of me, and no one has any musical training. Teaching the, a warm-up of singing numbers from 1 to 10 was hard enough, forget anything fancy. Thank God for teaching me patience through this, and for being able to demand less than perfection.

Last Sunday was a sectional practice for the men, and by that I mean all 3 men of the choir. First they locked me out for a good 10 mins, completely oblivious to the persistent doorbell. Then they didn't know the melody of what I thought was a popular hymn. And it was a lot of effort just teaching 8 lines (6 of which had the same tune). It didn't help that the the sun was blazing outside, temperatures were soaring and the fan didn't ventilate the piano area, so I was shouting instructions (otherwise they can't hear), singing (1 person louder than 3), repeating my instructions over and over again before I'm understood. It was boiling hot, halfway through, I couldnt stand anymore and had to sit on the piano bench.. I somehow managed to continue the practice and they couldn't see me or see that anything was wrong, which was fine. 5 mins from the time I would normally end the practice I felt super faint. And I've done so enough times before to know it was really going to happen. So I abruptly called the practice to a halt and said i was feeling a little light-headed... and the next thing that happened is either funny or tragic (I choose the former)... They started apologising profusely for not getting their parts and said they would get it with some practice, promising to improve by the next time! Hilarious!!! Even after I said it was nothing to do with them and everything to do with the heat they continued... So I just left it as that. I'm not sure if they eventually got the point! 

These dear old friends are so funny sometimes :)

BTW I'm not complaining about the hard work or state of the choir. I think its a precious experience- back home we've taken musicality for granted and in fact we don't even use our God-given talents to our best ability; whereas here these folk have zero background and are really trying hard to understand and learn. It is such a privilege to be able to work with them and serve the Lord in some capacity. Also gives me great excuse to import choral scores from the USA and a chance to work those diaphragms again after 4 years of silence. 

invisalign, be gone

just 1 more week until i see the dentist again!!! currently on refinement aligner 8 of 8, yay :) teeth are not perfect, but probably as good as they would be... then follows the removal of those horrible attachments (which actually makes invisalign NOT invisible), and then the free teeth whitening treatment! of course the retainers will come, but wearing them to sleep is a piece of cake after wearing mouth guard equivalents day in and day out! in any case it's probably a good protection against night time teeth grinding, which i allegedly (used to) do. 

when everything is done and dusted, i will have to write a full review of the experience and results, if only to make my money's worth. 

gone also, will be my no snacking in the day rule, because it was simply too troublesome to eat more then 3 meals a day. this is not bode well for my general diet, health or size, but there is always the option of healthy snacking, maybe? 

the countdown begins, and the end is nigh, 3 cheers!