growing up

as i was cycling home from the beach today, a random thought hit me.

you know people always say that it's way better to be a student, i think it's only half true. ok, maybe two thirds. it's great to be a student in singapore, living at home and having almost nothing else except school to worry about. but i think for myraids of other 'less fortunate' students, it gets tough having to juggle other regular daily activities on top of school work, which usually doesn't become a problem until high-stress periods in school hits, and all the deadlines and exams start crashing down on you. i guess it's especially true in Scandinavia, and perhaps most of europe, where the youths typically move out of home at 18, and to support themselves through school. (of cos, school fees are fully subsidised, and there are living allowances granted by the govt - here in denmark at least- but the cost of living is so high most students have at least a couple of other jobs) . i think it's under such circumstances that one truly learns to be independent.

for me, these 2 weeks are marked with exams. it's probably my fault that i've got all my priorities jumbled up and haven't been consistent all sememter that's forcing me to play catch up, and at a very rapid pace. that's not exactly new to me, but what's new is that when it matters, i cannot fully give myself to absorbing whatever i need. daily routines that cooking and washing still have to be done; i've been going out to the embassy and post office again during my 72 hour exam; there are so many administrative things to settle in preparation for another phase of life in another country; and trips to plan, yes, priorities all mixed up again. Thank God that i've finally secured accomodation in London, so Hyde Park won't be my home; I've finally submitted all the documents i need to set up a bank account; and on tues, hopefully i'll be able to obtain an entry clearance visa.

at some stage in life, one really has to take charge of his own life. How you want to live your life becomes very much an individual choice - how sociable you want to be, how involved you want to be in things, how thrifty you need to be. You don't really have to answer to any physical being anymore, and in the same way, no other physical being can be there all the time to prompt you and help bear the consequences of your action/inaction. sure, it helps knowing that there's a God who will guide and direct the path ahead, but there's always that element of human responsibility. circumstances change over time; people and their role in your life change and fade away too. at some point, there's a recognition that you're one person, alone, out there in the world.

i guess my immediate concerns are the 2 exams i have on monday and wednesday, the poland-hungary-austria trip i'll be taking on wed (and the accomodations I've not booked), and then we'll take it again from there.

ok i just realised how stupid and shallow all that sound.

but it's so scary to realise what growing up really means. I'm gonna hide in my student shell for the rest of the night...