moving on

is never easy.

but finding out that people and things have moved on, sans toi, is worse.

my sentiments exactly. been back about 4 days now, and things have just been moving ahead at full-steam. at home, it feels that there's no more space for me or my things; in school, i've been fumbling around, feeling lost and incredibly dumb every single class i've attended; friends, well, i'm still finding out (but it was nice to see familiar faces again - deb, luyi, bren, sj, yinglu, etc etc).

took a walk to lot one (yeah i now walk when i'm not in a hurry because it's actually quite near- new perspective. heh), and it has been transformed. felt a little uneasy squeezing with the ungracious crowds on the trains in the morning, and hearing an unfamiliar voice over the PA system. instinctively jaywalked across the entrance to the central and got stared at. stood on the right of the escalators instead. realised that i could no longer get around with just a few dollars in my wallet. decided that i wasn't ready to play for service this sunday- i don't want another shock when i find out that more things have changed.

the pace has been relentless. there's no time for jetlag. my 7 hour sleeps are no longer to be, and i've to stop being a tourist- there are now responsibilities and gardens to tend to.

it's nobody's fault- just the nature of life.
we're all just going down a river. a river called time. and i'm just trying to get back into the flow of things.