Tomorrow, we marry

Never thought it'd be my turn to say this... suddenly, it's happening all too soon. the prep is more or less a disaster and i'm such a wreck from all the lack of sleep!

I will survive the day on sudafed and panadold. heh. as well as a lot of make-up and concealer.

But who cares?

Tomorrow, we start the rest of our lives together :)

highly strung

it's september! all alarm bells have gone off in my mind. recurring nightmares. boxes everywhere. stuff everywhere. disorganised excel sheets on the computer. frantic online shopping for all last minute items. ten million things still undone.

can't believe i'm becoming inefficient just as it matters most. it's all coming back to haunt me.

STRESS.

last weekend we were up in warwick clearing out his room and moving everything back down to london. even that was so stressful. but we did try to have some fun in between, like spending an afternoon at warwick castle, which is really an atypical castle for kids who dream of living in the middle ages... that was just last weekend, but it now feels like a whole lifetime ago. so much happens everyday, and there's so much more to be done it is all so overwhelming.

last night i had a surprise mini hen party at a lebanese restaurant. it was lovely and i honestly felt so touched that people i'm not even that close to actually bothered to put something together, and went to quite great lengths in effort and cash. i'm so grateful for the night but i could have done better.

ahead of me lies 2 more weeks of work, with a team that has shrunk rapidly in the last weeks. we had 7 at the beginning of the year, by mid-year there were 5, last week, there was 3.5, and for the next week, 2.5.... doesn't really help when the night job gets more and more demanding and i haven't slept before 1am in a long time....!

this week also marks the last in this flat - the one that the Omnipotent led me to when still fresh off the boat, and which has provided some comfort and quality of life for over 2 years now. but somehow i'm quite glad to get out, and i don't even have time to be sentimental about the whole thing.

i wish i didn't have to sleep. i wish i had time to go to the gym so i can get into the stupid dress (i don't even want to wear it anymore...!) i wish i didn't have to work so i can do this night job full-time and in the day. i wish some people would be more responsible. i wish i wasn't moving house though frankly i had quite enough of this place. i almost wish it was I who got laid off last week, though that will bring with it a host of worse problems.

BUT

i know i have a very supportive and loving family, who are actually helping a lot already and it's just me holding things up. i know that we kinda asked for this. i know we are very blessed to have a fabulous place to live in without even having to look. i know this is just a wedding and the marriage is more important. i know worrying doesn't solve anything, neither does crying or pretending to be sick so I don't have to go to work (no i wouldn't even do that because it's not as if the work disappears; it just waits, like a dog for its master, grr...woof!). i know we will get through this somehow.

i know all these but the situation on the ground isn't good. shoot me now :(