an insanely mad day

it's about 2am now. i've been awake since 6am. ok i cheated. only woke up at 6.20am, but i'm just quite amazed that i survived today... really tired but i guess i'll just type this while waiting for mr math freak to be done showering...

had to go to sengkang (read: some forsaken, faraway land that requires a passport.. to that effect) for frisbee IVPs. and i had to be there by 8, which explains the early rise-and-shine. of course i didn't make it. after a tumultous journey, i arrived at 8.20am i think. met yinglu at jurong east and she was going to chinatown for the TCM internship so i was talking to her till then. never knew NEL took so long. and sengkang happens to be the 2nd last stop.

the field was terrible. i really cannot comprehend the rationale for choosing to play at sengkang. plus there are no proper toilet/bath facilities, which greatly impaired my attempts to leave early.

*warning: do not read further if you dun understand ultimate, you'll find it wayyy boring...*

started off with a game against NUS. it started well, but still went down 4-7. was quite happy with myself cos i actually got my name on the stats sheet for once, with a few Ds. but thats cos it was easy to D la, obviously.

the draw was bad, we had 4 back-to-back games. NTU/NIE was up next. those PE teachers.. see how they run! they are insanely fit and fast and i was seriously dying. didn't do a good job and let slip only about a million Ds. tried to handle on O as well. was really glad for the opportunity, but i messed up more than i did well. i believe i have the look, and nowadays i'm not even afraid of the defender (unless it's ryan). but i'm just too lousy.

we went into the NYP game just hoping to hold them off for a while. i think all the girls played well by eliminating their girls from the game, but they were flexible enough to adapt. those pple who commented that our girls cant D for nuts ought to be shot. i think i took that girl out. no more wonderful stats tho. the disc didn't even go her way. heh. but because i'm too lazy and tired to cut, i was bad bad bad on O as well.

playing againt our other SMU team was just crazy. the sun was merciless, and i think i'm now a lobster as a result of that. as a team we didn't play well, but personally i feel that i did my job adequately. peiying's play was rather hampered i think. normally she'll be very active in the game receiving and throwing and all that. but i was so so so tired. got a stitch in tat game (i dunno from what! it was after lunch but i didnt even eat!). sat out for a while but decided to play on since it was ending already anyway. oh i had my first 'accident' in a frisbee game when i actually tried to save a disc but crashed into marc. my back really hurt and i couldnt move for a while, (which really reminded me of the jurong bird park incident eons ago) but it was ok after that i think. hope i dun get back aches when i grow old haha.

sometimes i really just want to give up. and in the middle of feeling so tired, i really really wonder what on earth i was thinking when i decided to join a competitive sport again... and i really just want to quit.

* ok you may resume here...*

anyway i stayed on till the last game before leaving for church. went to compass mall (or whatever it's called) to clean up and then walked out, only to realise that it was pouring. i was quite gleeful and proud of myself for escaping before i really had to be a pig and roll in the mud. but i discovered that they cancelled the game. only because i had to call peiying to find out where on earth the bus stop was. tuns out that she gave me the wrong bus number... grrr.... i think i walked around the perimeter of sengkang central looking for the busstop! and in the rain!
so i managed to be on my way, and did get to church, not before having to run all the way in under the heavy rain becasue the storm cloud decided to split open on me. when i arrived there i was totally soaked. there was no way i could stand up there to make the announcements and do the closing prayer. but we did have song pract for easter till like 7, which made me very late for denise's 21st.

rushed home (tho the bus took forever) to shower and change. i was so incredibly dirty the water was brown. yucks. by the time i got down to mandarin it was like 9+... sigh. socialised and caught up with some pple for a while until like 10plus. and at the same time got the eat my first proper meal of the day. the food was super super good, but i didn't have much appetite. sad.

next destination: marc's house, for the post-IVPs gathering... and it will be appropriate at this juncture to bring in the birthday cake incident. the whole thing wouldnt have happened if i hadnt tried to gei kiang and tried to celebrate someone's birthday at the gathering. suggested it to marc and he said he'll settle cos i wasnt gonna go for the gathering. at 5 plus before i reached church i called him to check if anyone was getting it, and he said no, so i said i'll go get it and bring it really late. so i went to lot 1 to try and get some strawberry cake, was quite happy when the label read 'strawberry short cake' so i happily just bought it. then the aunty had to dash my hopes and tell me that i must refrigerate it immediately. asked the pple at mandarin to refregerate it for me cos i was so scared that the cream would melt or something. anyway, when i was on the way to marc's place, he told me that amy alr got the cake and they just sang the birthday song. diao.... owellz. everyone just had a 2nd cake i guess. and what shortcake, isnt it just sponge cake with strawberries? heh..................

played all kinds of nonsense games and the piano till like 12plus. was so super exhausted i couldnt even think for taboo. but foozball is different. peiy and i beat isaac and gavin 10-1! haha how pro is that! oh the highlight was also having a record number of pple offering to send me home. but i better not elaborate too much, except that i got home safe, sound, and alive.

what a day.

forgettable me?

i think i have a wayy too forgettable character. i'm a typical unimpactful person, if there's even such a word. the kind that most people won't even think of normally, until they're forced to because of a less-than-welcome appearance. the kind where it wouldnt matter if gone.

actually, i think i'm just such a lousy friend, and it's simply a vicious circle. i never felt the need to have anyone very very very close, like a best best friend kind of thing. i think my primary school teacher noticed that, she actually asked me. that was during the whole primary school thing where everyone was in the 'i friend you, i dont friend you' stage. and it's so weird how i seem to relate better to guys, and the girls just keep away. it's not a bad thing to have only a few good friends, i feel. but it's just the desire to want to make more of an impact on other lives. how can i when i never try hard enough?

but i guess i can't handle too many, that's why God only gave me a few to constantly encourage and uplift? i should just stop complaining and count my blessings instead.

just a continuation of the recent spate of weird thoughts running through my empty head...

a weird day.

i want to say something but i dun really know what to say. in a really weird mood now. maybe i woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. (but there are no sides, only stairs)

i had a really weird dream (which i actually remembered). won't go into the weird details, but it was situated in my old house. i had a really weird attitude, cos i really didn't want to go to school, so i dilly-dallied, and naturally, i was late. like, quite very late. was doubly late when i got back to class late after break. what a useless lesson.

was in a weird mood all throughout training. was quite excited abt it at first, but when it poured at about 1pm i was quite turned off. but i went anyway, and it went so so bad. i think im just not patient enough. and i get irritated way too easily. tried to handle again today cos i couldnt cut or catch for some weird reason. was quite happy with myself tho i was quite lost most of the time, and i was so scared that sebas would scream at me cos i dunno what to do. heh. handling is quite fun, and slack. but i guess i'm still stuck as a normal cutter in a real game, so i better get some sticky pads on my fingers.

but, like bren the top drawer, i can compartmentalise too! hence, i'm the bottom drawer. the only problem, is that i refuse to get out of the mood i'm in, cos it kinda gives me a license to slack as well. which is no good, cos i do have lots of things to do.

ok, it's weird how my sister is asking me stuff about grade 5 theory when i cant remember a thing! i took it in like primary 6, hello! my music is really bad now, i dunno what key everything's in. terrible. and jj's always scolding me for turning perfectly sad minor songs in happy major songs. yikes.

sigh, is this how it is to emo?

on a failing memory

this post is dedicated to sebas, for reminding me how forgetful i am. and for forcing me to think of examples that prove my point.

first, the conversation:

sebas says:
okok.... i will call adidas tmr... remind me if i havnt do so by the time i meet u
lorac says:
ok ill try heh
lorac says:
i have a worse memory than u i think
sebas says:
based on what do u say tt?
sebas says:
u r quite ok what
lorac says:
haha i forget a lot of things
lorac says:
cant quote an eg now
lorac says:
but im sure i do
sebas says:
haha.. i think ur explanation proved it then?
lorac says:
er haha yeah true

ok these are some of the things i forgot today:

1. i forgot about fcm today. happily went off after class and headed to carl's jr for breakfast/lunch/dinner. it was only after getting into the train that i received esther's msg asking if i was coming. and i intended to go actually, cant believe i forgot.

2. this morning i woke up thinking i could sleep in, and i did. totally forgot about FT until it was quite late. actually i forgot that i forgot to wake up, until i was talking to jiamin and remembered. and actually i forget my dreams the moment i wake up...

3. u know, the thing that you said i said in the beg of the term, haha see i dun remember what it is anymore!

4. our anniversary. (no no, not sebas and i) but since i forget every month and year, might as well la.

5. more often than not, i'll promise to do something with the whole intention of fulfilling it, but it will conveniently slip my mind.

6. i really really can't remember what else i forget! and i'm really thinking very hard already...

*edited: oops i forgot that i said i wanted to only talk about things i forgot today, so 5 and 6 are out of point...argh*

ok, i'll try to remind you tomm, sebas. haha dun count on it, tho. i've a poor and failing memory. :

i would like to think that it's over

great, no more presentations for the term, and 3 classes to go. yay! so school's kinda over i guess. not counting the dreaded exams... which descends upon us like a plague in about 12 days... *shudders*

has anyone read 'why do men fall asleep after sex?'

it's book that fills u with useless information and takes up precious brain space at this time of the year. but it kept me from worrying about being so very late for class today. slept a record number of hours last night (like 9.5hrs!) but i still overslept cos i switched off my phone in my dreams and naturally, the alarm didn't go off. brilliant.

and i've totally exhausted all my formal wear and had nothing to wear for FT today. and now to to fret over next week's dine-out: what to do with my unacceptable hair, and attire. (anyone willing to lend me a skirt suit?)

but i need to rest. wherever and whenever. like now, maybe.


haha a random pic just to add more colour to my blog.

another record was set when i watched tv for like 1 hour just now- bits of the 9 o'clock channel 8 show, and the results of the arena, which adrian pang was taking so painfully long to announce. haha in the end, UWC won, beating all the local schools flat (it wasnt even a close fight, heh). haha what does that show?

in other unrelated matters, tomorrow we turn 5. and i totally forgot. OOPS. amidst the mad rush, i never got down to writing and sending the card that i got a long time ago. owellz. i'll keep it for next year i guess. : er, happy anniversay, dear-thanks for reminding me. *sheepish smile* oh but that's not what i would like to think as over, though.

the week that killed me

it's wednesday, and i'm officially dead. i think i've been wayy too slack this term, and i didn't take charge of my planning my own schedule. ended up with 2 presentations in week 12 and 1 in week 13. so this is retribution for all the slacking the last 11 weeks.

last weekend was pure madness, i'm rather proud of the fact that i survived it actually. but come to think of it, it's probably not by my own strength because i could never last so long. last week was pretty mad, but i still managed to sleep about 4-5 hours a day, which of cos left me feeling very drained towards the end of the week. *ok actually i think i blogged about this already in the last post* ok the FIIM project was quite a disaster. we handed it up like 13 hours late, and that number doesnt even represent the total number of hours i slept over the weekend in total.

but i did it. i survived on:
1.5-2hours of sleep on friday night, woke up for training, rushed to church for combined meeting, and finally staggered home at like 9+. combined meeting was really good though. it was truly a blessing, and a time of upliftingg to see other youth groups so faithful, and how much effort they take to reach out. compared to our almost non-existent efforts. the bonding over games at west coast was good as well. but i nearly died. slacked throughout captain's ball, rounders, and their version of 'capture the flag'. tried to play a bit of ultimate too but there were too many pple who don't really know how to play. actually i dun think i can enjoy ultimate at a recre level because i just dunno what to do when it degenerates to captain's ball. but then again, that was pretty much how we played in JC as well, just that the guys were so good at it there weren't so many turnovers. but i like the way ultimate is played in the proper way, the concept's so different. pulled my thigh muscle for the first time in a long long time during the 1st go-to drill in the morning, and couldnt run much in the afternoon after that. maybe i'm getting more unfit.

fell asleep from 12midnight till 3am on sat night on the sofa. was so tempted to go sleep properly but i dragged myself to the comp to work on the stupid report and before i knew it, it was time to go to church. wanted to cry when i was sitting at the piano during choir practice. i was so exhausted my brain couldnt keep up with the song, and i couldnt turn the pages at the right times and couldnt remember the bars on the next page. seriously panicked cos there as a presentation, but thank God that while playing during the service, i just trusted that God will glorify himself regardless of how unworthy i was. i remembered the RPG reading a few days/weeks ago about how the Morse guy was so humble in thinking that he was merely the instrument which God was pleased to use to reveal the 'technology' to man. and his first message sent was 'what God hath wrought'. i'm glad that i felt at peace throughout the service, and i didn't fall asleep. haha.

it was karen's birthday on monday! so after church we went to fish and co at IMM. itwas a nice big family gathering (: but the clock was ticking and the project was almost due. owellz. that nite, i happilywent to sleep at 11plus, telling my mum to wake me up at 12 the next day. but it was not to be. the final outcome was that we handed the proj in like 13 hours late. after jm called me up at lik 6am, and actually came over to my place to print the report and do the ppt. owellz

we just presented, and actually i typed the bulk of this post in class. the Q and A went so badly. but at least 1 proj's over.tomm's IE presentation, and monday coy law.

the week is far from over.

"My grace is sufficient for you... My strength is made perfect in weakness..." ok Lord, i'm counting on you...

you know you're wayy too tired when...

you expand much effort is trying to get a seat on the train, and falling soundly asleep straight after, waking up just in time to make the switch at jurong east, scramble onto the next train and fall asleep again...

i hardly ever use up all the 4 rides i have a day on the train consession. today, i broke the record. did some mad trans-island travelling today, with lots of mad rush, and the madness is still not over.

the rather good morning (and i really mean morning cos i was actually awake since 7...) was only spoilt by the impatient woman in the toilet at raffles place mrt. after 1 min she was complaining that the pple in the cubicles were taking too long (in english and chinese) and then she called them chickens, laying eggs inside... then 'giving birth ah', and then 'wah, so long, half an hour already still inside'. it's ridiculous man! in the first place, there were other cubicles empty, before i went in, and after i came out. i think she's just mad.

tonight's gonna be a long night. gonna finish the FIIM proj because i don't have time this weekend and it's due on sunday. i really relish the thought of going back to school on sunday just to submit it. it'll be the 3rd time in history for me (the first being vivace and the 2nd was for some FA meeting).

i hope i make it for tomorrow's trng. really tempted to skip but i have to force myself la. i remember committing to go last year during the camp, but i've not been keeping that commitment too well. and i believe that the enjoyment of a sport is directly proportional to how well you do in it.

ok, now for the FIIM project that's due on sunday and barely started... oh man, i'm so dead.