highly strung

it's september! all alarm bells have gone off in my mind. recurring nightmares. boxes everywhere. stuff everywhere. disorganised excel sheets on the computer. frantic online shopping for all last minute items. ten million things still undone.

can't believe i'm becoming inefficient just as it matters most. it's all coming back to haunt me.

STRESS.

last weekend we were up in warwick clearing out his room and moving everything back down to london. even that was so stressful. but we did try to have some fun in between, like spending an afternoon at warwick castle, which is really an atypical castle for kids who dream of living in the middle ages... that was just last weekend, but it now feels like a whole lifetime ago. so much happens everyday, and there's so much more to be done it is all so overwhelming.

last night i had a surprise mini hen party at a lebanese restaurant. it was lovely and i honestly felt so touched that people i'm not even that close to actually bothered to put something together, and went to quite great lengths in effort and cash. i'm so grateful for the night but i could have done better.

ahead of me lies 2 more weeks of work, with a team that has shrunk rapidly in the last weeks. we had 7 at the beginning of the year, by mid-year there were 5, last week, there was 3.5, and for the next week, 2.5.... doesn't really help when the night job gets more and more demanding and i haven't slept before 1am in a long time....!

this week also marks the last in this flat - the one that the Omnipotent led me to when still fresh off the boat, and which has provided some comfort and quality of life for over 2 years now. but somehow i'm quite glad to get out, and i don't even have time to be sentimental about the whole thing.

i wish i didn't have to sleep. i wish i had time to go to the gym so i can get into the stupid dress (i don't even want to wear it anymore...!) i wish i didn't have to work so i can do this night job full-time and in the day. i wish some people would be more responsible. i wish i wasn't moving house though frankly i had quite enough of this place. i almost wish it was I who got laid off last week, though that will bring with it a host of worse problems.

BUT

i know i have a very supportive and loving family, who are actually helping a lot already and it's just me holding things up. i know that we kinda asked for this. i know we are very blessed to have a fabulous place to live in without even having to look. i know this is just a wedding and the marriage is more important. i know worrying doesn't solve anything, neither does crying or pretending to be sick so I don't have to go to work (no i wouldn't even do that because it's not as if the work disappears; it just waits, like a dog for its master, grr...woof!). i know we will get through this somehow.

i know all these but the situation on the ground isn't good. shoot me now :(

PHAT!

collected my wedding gown today, and like I predicted, those measurements the lady took at the shop last time were too good to be true! size 4, come on... i'd be quite happy being an 8.

the dress fit, but i wouldn't have been able to stay in it for more than half an hour without suffocating; and i'd quite like to breathe normally on my wedding day, thankyouverymuch. anyway, so it's too late to order another dress in size 6 or something larger, so i guess i'll either just pay £30 for the tailors to take it out slightly at the waist, or i'd have to make sure i lose some flab to fit it!

to be quite honest, exercise has taken much a back-seat in recent months. ever since the CFA classes started, the thought of going to the gym or exercising never even crossed my mind. Since i still eat the same amount of food/ junk food, and the miracle of youthful metabolism isn't quite working to my favour anymore, i can feel the inches getting added on. all that will have to change very soon, starting in 2 weeks. though i wish i could go do something NOW.

guess my health is also starting to deteriorate. Just as I was starting to get complacent about not having been stricken by serious illness since moving here, i nearly passed out at work (again!). absolutely hate causing unnecessary drama and having all the boys in the office find out the reason why, but i'm just thankful that they are all so sweet and nice. 2 of them even walked me down to the sick bay just in case i fainted on the way... and the only other lady in my team insisted on taking me home in a cab. i'm truly blessed. on a lighter note, that blue shirt i have in my wardrobe is cursed - was wearing that same shirt when i last fainted at work, and also when i got knocked down by a bicycle. coincidence?

owell, like daddy says, i just have to deal with one thing at a time. and it is now time to study. just finished the 1st part of my 1st mock exam. couldn't sit there for the whole duration of the paper (3 hours), as expected, but just rushed through and did it in 2. the result: a multitude of errors. Somehow just can't seem to remember the gazillion things and grasp some key concepts, especially in the area of economics (yucks! who even cares?). God help me in these last 2 weeks.

better return to the horrible books, and save my story finally using the NHS for another time.

Echidna

Remember how in primary school we learnt that the only 2 mammals in the world that lay eggs are the platypus and the spiny anteater? Well, I learnt today that another name for the spiny anteater is Echidna.

The big acquisition was finally announced in the press today and we can finally speak about it freely without referring to it as Project Porc.up.ine and we can start calling the companies by their real names instead of silly things like Bad.ger, Ro.dent, and yes, Echidna. Looks like BH.P is not in for a easy ride given such negative press, but I do hope they get through so that all our hard work will not be in vain! To be fair we wasted most of the weekend waiting on M&A to provide a working financial model, which one would think they are paid to be competent for. We would have gotten everything done much quicker had we started on our own model, sheesh, and at least I'd know what the model's trying to say, even with my half-baked modelling skills. Already started getting teased by people today about "the failed deal that we spent so much time on"; was at a buddy lunch so I missed the action in the office today when SR first saw the news on TV and shouted across the floor to R about it so everyone knew.

I've become buddy supreme. Just added another buddy to my collection today, so now I have 4 official buddies I need to ensure integrate well into the firm, heh. Been doing so much of this peripheral stuff I haven't had a lot of time to do proper work, not that I'm really complaining. Having some sort of variance in work is always nice. Having said that, Amee and I are rather appalled with our intern buddies, who were given a Brera coffee voucher each for 2 coffees + £10 worth of anything. We set up a coffee session this evening, only to find out that they have conveniently lost the voucher, didn't apologise and didn't even volunteer to pay for our drinks! Not that we are being petty, but surely that reflects quite poorly on character, plus they are quite awkward socially and would only answer questions posed at them! One would think that going to some of the best universities in the country and world would contribute to some character-building, but no!

Am gonna film part of some new campus recruitment video tomorrow too. I suspect they were just trying to prove diversity, and I think I fit that quite nicely, being 1. Female in a male-dominated workplace 2. Asian working in a European Bank 3. Not in Front Office, and 4. having a strange accent when I speak.

One day I'll look back at the things I do at work, and laugh.