Tomorrow, we marry

Never thought it'd be my turn to say this... suddenly, it's happening all too soon. the prep is more or less a disaster and i'm such a wreck from all the lack of sleep!

I will survive the day on sudafed and panadold. heh. as well as a lot of make-up and concealer.

But who cares?

Tomorrow, we start the rest of our lives together :)

highly strung

it's september! all alarm bells have gone off in my mind. recurring nightmares. boxes everywhere. stuff everywhere. disorganised excel sheets on the computer. frantic online shopping for all last minute items. ten million things still undone.

can't believe i'm becoming inefficient just as it matters most. it's all coming back to haunt me.

STRESS.

last weekend we were up in warwick clearing out his room and moving everything back down to london. even that was so stressful. but we did try to have some fun in between, like spending an afternoon at warwick castle, which is really an atypical castle for kids who dream of living in the middle ages... that was just last weekend, but it now feels like a whole lifetime ago. so much happens everyday, and there's so much more to be done it is all so overwhelming.

last night i had a surprise mini hen party at a lebanese restaurant. it was lovely and i honestly felt so touched that people i'm not even that close to actually bothered to put something together, and went to quite great lengths in effort and cash. i'm so grateful for the night but i could have done better.

ahead of me lies 2 more weeks of work, with a team that has shrunk rapidly in the last weeks. we had 7 at the beginning of the year, by mid-year there were 5, last week, there was 3.5, and for the next week, 2.5.... doesn't really help when the night job gets more and more demanding and i haven't slept before 1am in a long time....!

this week also marks the last in this flat - the one that the Omnipotent led me to when still fresh off the boat, and which has provided some comfort and quality of life for over 2 years now. but somehow i'm quite glad to get out, and i don't even have time to be sentimental about the whole thing.

i wish i didn't have to sleep. i wish i had time to go to the gym so i can get into the stupid dress (i don't even want to wear it anymore...!) i wish i didn't have to work so i can do this night job full-time and in the day. i wish some people would be more responsible. i wish i wasn't moving house though frankly i had quite enough of this place. i almost wish it was I who got laid off last week, though that will bring with it a host of worse problems.

BUT

i know i have a very supportive and loving family, who are actually helping a lot already and it's just me holding things up. i know that we kinda asked for this. i know we are very blessed to have a fabulous place to live in without even having to look. i know this is just a wedding and the marriage is more important. i know worrying doesn't solve anything, neither does crying or pretending to be sick so I don't have to go to work (no i wouldn't even do that because it's not as if the work disappears; it just waits, like a dog for its master, grr...woof!). i know we will get through this somehow.

i know all these but the situation on the ground isn't good. shoot me now :(

London - Looted and in Flames

I am absolutely speechless. A few nights ago (Thursday night in fact), I met a friend from JC who is in London for a few weeks for dinner. He asked me, "is London safe?". Without hesitation, I replied in the negative. Over the last 2 years, I've started to feel a little safer than when I first arrived. But I never felt completely at ease. Least of all when I pass through some of the most dangerous boroughs in the capital every week. But tonight has left me in disbelief that such uncivilised acts could take place in such a widespread manner in a supposedly civilised society.

In case you are wondering and are concerned, I'm safe, indoors and hope to remain so.

However, the scenes I see on the TV (laptop to be more exact) have been heartbreaking, frustrating and horrifying.

These are a (small part of a) generation of youths who have grown up in the "modern world". Technology has changed the way we think, communicate, and influence others. Or perhaps London is now facing up to years of unaddressed delinquency as loots destroy their very own neighbourhoods and communities. One reporter was asked by the studio, "what are the parents doing? why are the kids on the streets?" and the reply was "the kids are always on the streets". The scale of the problem is obviously far bigger and far more fundamental.

And so I've spent almost the whole night glued to the BBC news watching the events unfold all around me on TV and shaking my head way too often. Now, as I watch cars, buses, shops, and hundred-year-old landmark buildings go up in flames, and people shamelessly looting shops in broad daylight, I reflect on the depravity of man, and the extent of wickedness. These people obviously knew they were doing wrong, for they wore masks, balaclava and tshirts over their faces to avoid getting recognised on CCTV and to avoid suffering the consequences of their actions. The sad truth is that they will probably never be caught or face justice in the courts, but their conscience, if not already seared, will forever pierce them.

As buildings and vehicles burned all around the capital, with Hackney just a couple of miles north of here and Peckham and Lewisham not far south, I tried to imagine what hell would be like. Even in relatively decent neighbourhoods - directly across the capital from where the violence first stared in Croydon (SW Greater London) and Clapham Junction (quite an expensive hip area) - crazy people have gone on a rampage. The video footage from helicopters are terrifying enough, and the firemen stood very small beside flames many times their height which threatened to engulf them. Burnt out buildings are now threatening to collapse, and have to be pulled down and destroyed forever. Grand Dames of the high street that have stood for centuries, gone in an hour. Nothing is sure; nothing stands forever on this earth. Another lesson to never build with wood, hay or stubble.

Across the world over, there is bad news on every corner. The financial markets are in perpetual meltdown, there are uprisings all over - Syria, Libya, etc, and society is crumbling. This is truly a godless and perverse generation. The end is nigh? God, be merciful.

CFA Level 1

It's been 6 weeks since the exam so obviously I had clean forgotten about the exam. Just remembered yesterday that results were due out today, and then started to panic and get nervous. Ignorance was much preferable bliss.

Work kept me too busy all morning, but as 9am ET approached I found myself checking my inbox quite frequently, and when the email finally came in, I only read the 1st line. and it was enough. it read: "Congratulations. I am very pleased to inform you that you passed the June 2011 Level I CFA exam. You are one step closer to achieving your goal of earning the globally respected CFA charter." Truly thank God! Not so sure about wanting to move on to Level 2, but at least I don't have to repay the sponsors for the amount of the exam and the course. Anyhow I foolishly forwarded on the message to my team to share the good news, and after that realised that there was a breakdown of the score at below... ooooopps...!

These weeks have been very stressful and hectic, but God has still continuously poured down blessing after blessing to make things come together slowly.

on roofs

suddenly, in a span of 2 weeks, we have 2 roofs over our heads.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

update soon!