Inna, Azi & Carol v Thai Express

1 March 2007
1930h
Esplanade

Haha, i couldnt resist blogging. we finally set a date to go claim our free meal from thai express. Inna imspired this post. haha, i called her just now to confirm the dinner tomorrow, and promptly hung up. 2 seconds later, she calls back and goes

"remember not to eat tomorrow!"

i was stunned for 2 seconds, then i realised what she really meant was, 'prepare for a feast tomorrow, we're gonna get back at them, and make them pay dearly...'

*burst out laughing*

then we promptly hung up again. haha. i wonder how it'll be like tomm, i would love to see how inna bosses her way around thai express haha....

speaking of which, i was thinking about the incident and all, and i am convinced that destiny does exist. i believe it was God's will afterall, for everything to happen, and subsequently, me not getting into the club (i was informed by way of a very rude letter penned by toh jiamin, apology NOT accepted, haha!). some might deem it to be a case of sour grapes, in fact, perhaps the food poisoning and all had nothing to do with it, perhaps i was simply too lousy. But beyond all that, this rejection caused me to think deeper.

just saw juline's email about attending winter retreat on 'jonah'. i think i'm exactly like him. i was totally trying to run away this year, giving all kinds of excuses. i told myself, and everyone else, that i didn't want to serve in the YF anymore. i was sick and tired of it after all this years, i've lost all my passion and ideals and energy. i wanted to join the case club because i thought it was a way to success. i wanted an overseas internship. i wanted to be more active in school. it was all about me and my secular thoughts and ideals. Jonah was chastised and shown

But He showed me that it was never about me at all. He wanted me to press on in the ministry, He laid such a burden upon me that i was unable to refuse. When i gave my conditions (more involved in school, overseas internship), he promptly closed all the doors. Now i'm left with no more excuses. He has taught me to trust in Him, and not lean on my own understanding. I guess only He knows what lies ahead. Mid-way through my internship applications, i decided that i'll stay in Singapore, the overseas options didn't seem so attractive anymore. I will stay and serve Him, it wasn't in His will to get into the case club, whatever the reason might be, i'll use the time i had committed for higher purposes.

(ok fine, jm was right when he told me at 4am that perhaps it wasn't God's will, but i would not have known until i struggled through, tried and failed. through that incident, God also showed me what a dear luyi was, she smsed me all the way from msia to see if i was ok, and sebas was encouraging as well)

i've learnt about myself as well.... i learnt that, i never... learn. i need failure to be thrown into my face, i need to crash right into a closed door, before i realise that it's a 'wrong way-turn back' sign. but i thank God that at least that has been real in my life. I might be too ambitious, not knowing what's good for myself. i dunno if that's gonna change. But if failure is the way God's gonna clearly show me His will, i don't really mind all the heartache and time... hmmm thats easy to say on hindsight, but i really don't know.

it's scary i guess, the only comfort is in knowing that He who holds tomorrow also holds my hand. May i always have the desire to do His will daily and never ever stray.

Destiny

Before the world was made, the stars above displayed,
A loving God had made a great design.
Before the planets flew, and earth came into view,
Their forms were fashioned in the Master’s mind.
Now we can see that from eternity,
His perfect wisdom carried out a plan,
And we are all a part of what was in His heart,
The moment when He first created man.

The mountains and the lees, the deserts and the seas,
Were laid with utmost care from pole to pole.
And in my heart I know, it surely must be so,
He has a plan and pattern for my soul.
Why am I here, the reason is so clear,
He made me and He claimed this life of mine.
We’re more than just a slave,
Who’s heading for the grave,
My destiny is in His will divine.

But for tomorrow at Thai Express, i'm not touching the tom yam glass noodles.