So blessed :)

What is worse than not being able to breathe properly from persistent kicking of your ribs and lungs?

Having a blocked nose at the same time.

Alas, the dreaded cold has overcome my vulnerable state on the eve of Christmas eve, but the state of pregnancy has somehow mysterious left me with blocked passages whenever I lie me down to sleep.

Nonetheless I am so thankful, for health and strength thus far, and for relatively good healthcare.

Really looking forward to tomorrow. The dear family back home has bought me a prenatal spa day and I'm looking forward to some relaxation in late pregnancy. I have survived Christmas thus far, which was a blissfully quiet affair, so let tomorrow pass without any signs of labour. Tomorrow we also get to see our little girl again on the ultrasound scan, our 5th, for which I'm grateful. Jehovah knows our hearts' worries and despite a low-risk and healthy 38 weeks, we have been given 3 more scans than normal. She was a bit small at the last scan, and we got a bit of a scare, but God also sent us an angel to accompany us, someone from church we can trust who is possibly the most qualified midwife in that particular hospital we have been assigned to. I mean, something like 134,000 are born in London each year...

Another surprise, or shock I got today was how generous some people I barely know are. I was made by my boss to put a baby list together some weeks ago, which I did by pulling some wishful thinking and a large price range of a handful of items. The first baby shower came, and I actually got a cheque instead of anything on the list, which was strange but not a bad situation to be in. A week later at a team Christmas dinner, we got a baby monitor from the baby list, which was reasonably pricey but not to bad if shared by 8-10 pple. Still it was very nice. Today I thought I'd have a look on the list to see what other things I had put on, and to my horror, I discovered that every single item on the list had been purchased, by the same person...!!! This really scared me because the value of that list, even without the baby monitor, was stupidly high. I panicked and called John Lewis, who confirmed that all the items have indeed been purchased. To think that they has been unable to reach me as I had given them the wrong contact number (and subsequently ignored their email seeking yo clarify, thinking that the list was over and done with after the showers!) So I ring up my colleague hoping to persuade him to withdraw some of his purchases and he confirmed that there was no mistake, it was a combination of effort from the team and himself. What!!!! Thankfully one of the items has been discontinued but it was the cheapest item on the list! I really don't know what to think... On one hand I can't help but feel like there is an ulterior motive to this, to make me feel forever indebted to my job etc, but on the other hand I would really like to imagine that the intentions were fully positive and something I should graciously accept. I'm sure there is some sort of etiquette to deal with this sort of thing.

There is more. Singaporean friends whom we've met in the UK also organised us a baby shower afternoon tea. I can't believe that 21 people turned up for that and they gave us a generous gift card too. More importantly, the kind thoughts behind it all was really what touched our hearts. E also gave us a handknit cardigan and hat, how precious! Of course, other people in church have also helped us and given us more than we ever deserved... We received 2 handmade baby blankets months before, little baby clothes for christmas and "courier service" for a car seat base we snagged off eBay. These practical help are much appreciated individually, but when thought of in sum are overwhelming altogether!

Of course, family back home are also as eager to get in the action. I know the in-laws, the mom, the sisters and even my grandmother have all prepared gifts. More than the gifts, it's the love driving these actions that make us feel so blessed.

Lastly, the husband has been accommodating to some of my whims and fancies, offering to prepare dinner more often, going headfirst into the crowds of chinatown to stock up on Chinese herbs for confinement, and springing up in the middle of the night when I get them horrible leg cramps. It must be very difficult not feeling as close to the baby physically, but he talks to her in the nights and tells her off for being so hyperactive. Which is kinda sweet I guess!

So tonight, as the clock indicates the opening of the window in which the stork may drop her, and the anxious anticipation swells, I think on the manifold blessings that this child has already brought, and I can't help but smile through my heavy breaths.

Baby you are so blessed!

11/12/13 - 3, 2, 1.... go!

Dear little one,

This scene melted my heart this morning! The daddy has decided to wash the 1st batch of clothes, and the little bodysuits and sleepsuits on the drying rack was a bit of a reality check... Although this might become a more regular sight sooner than we think! 

4.5 weeks to go, but in reality you at at term in 1.5 weeks. We are getting worried now that you will make your grand entrance early, so we have stepped up the buying frenzy and suddenly in the space of a couple of weeks your bedroom is full of stuff! All still in their boxes and original packaging of course, but still... We're almost ready for you! I even bought your first pack of nappies yesterday!

We had 2 baby showers for you over the past few days, people have been very kind to us and we are so thankful. 

Are you going to give us one more quiet Christmas and New Year? Will you hold out till 2014? Not long more... In the meantime, stay active, stay small (but pls don't fall off the charts!) and stay tight in there...!!!

55 days

went for a whole day antenatal class yesterday, and must say that everything sounds pretty daunting, but doable :) 

can't wait to get these 6 weeks of work done and over with.

in the meantime i need to look forward to putting on 0.5kg a week cos apparently baby is only half the size she is supposed to be now - how on earth can that be? i think she's more than big enough now thankyouverymuch. 

just a few more weekends left to do whatever else we need to do before we can't get on with them... the Ledbury last Sat was lovely. it is one restaurant i've been wanting to go for a long time, but never got down to it because it's on the other side of London. The service is first class, a rarity in London and they kindly considered everything, smoking the duck ham twice to ensure it's cooked thoroughly, giving me special pasteurised milk butter, etc, and the food was a perfect 10/10! I would go back in a jiffy (considering it is actually incredibly reasonably priced for a 2-star michelin restaurant especially when you don't order any alcohol) but i don't think that's even a remote possibility for a long time! 

also a few more weekends left to buy the ultra expensive big ticket items we have been putting off for way too long. Bring on the baby all-terrain tank! it's a good thing that the MIL has given up waiting for us to get our act together and went ahead and bought a ton of clothes and other things for us, haha. 

last winter in London?

what if, this were our last winter in London?

one last familiar christmas light display that comes on from oct - feb, one last eerily quiet Christmas day, one last boxing day/January sale, one last never-ending wait for Spring?

Scary thoughts. But we need to stop assuming that this is our life as it is, and change may sweep up along again, and this time next year, we may not be here.

Bonfire night - 5 Nov 2013

I love fireworks. Not quite sure what it is about them but I find the burst of colour and light quite spectacular. Casting back my mind's eye to my first bonfire night in 2009, when I braved the cold to get to Southwark Park for the fireworks display, and was so impressed that it lasted at least a good 20 minutes. Between then and now, I have been thoroughly spoilt - 2 weddings with fireworks, new year's eve, and since moving to this apartment, a panoramic view of fireworks displays across London especially on NYE and 5th of Nov. As the clock strikes 12 on 1 Jan, it is quite cool to see all the fireworks displays going up at once all over London. As for bonfire night, well, the celebrations start the weekend before...

This evening though, as I was looking out the window in the relative warmth and comfort of home, I wondered what the next Bonfire night would hold for us. Will we still be in London? Will we be pushing a stroller somewhere in the cold trying to join in one of the bonfire night displays? Or will we just get sick and tired of the whole fanfare? What kind of child will this be?

Anyway, it's 67 days to go, and just 7.5 weeks until I can stop work... including christmas, hurray! time to start doing some serious shopping...

On another note, we did it!!! One of the crazy things I have always wanted to do is to just book a holiday on a whim, and today we booked a weekend trip to Barcelona for this weekend! It will be a crazy travel weekend, but really looking forward to escaping somewhere warm!

81 pills for 83 days

Bought the last instalment of vitamins/folic acid/omega 3 dunno-whats which should last till D-day, except that D-day is a bit of moving target! Just please let me have one last quiet Christmas, and no drama of having to go to hospital from work... 

Is she really going to triple in weight between now and then? Oh dear.

So many questions, so many things to do and an ever-quickening countdown to a new life (literally!)... So much mixed emotion of apprehension and anticipation. 

Breakfast at Claridge's

Walked through the revolving doors to be greeted by a familiar face. Familiar not because we know each other, but I recognised him to be the elevator man in the TV series on Claridge's. He exists!!!

Strolled down the hallway on ridicously shiny marble floors which made embarrassing squeaky noises against my rubber soles. Checked out the super posh but old school cloakroom, which again was all marble but had a sensor no-touch flush, very funny. Prepared to have a nice breakfast, when... My colleague came in. Then had to speak to some big shots and couldn't have the breakfast I had envisaged. Even some eggs, pastries and juice probably made me look enough of a cheapo freeloader, haha. But I need to come back to this place for tea one day, been putting it off for way too long! Till next time!

In other news, the husband has, for the first time ever, made a restaurant reservation without my prompting! Hooray, let's see if this comes to pass - we are off to the Ledbury.... In November.

In return I bought his all-time favourite cartoon and watched it with him tonight. I cannot believe I have never watched Dumbo in my life. Well, now I have :)

So sweet!!!

wanna be a professional sportswoman?

Dear baby,

At the rate you are going, it looks like we are in for big trouble when you finally meet us. You have been moving non-stop day and night, with seemingly no pattern whatsoever. More so in the last week, when you movements became strong enough for daddy to feel them himself! Keep moving tho, I quite like it, because then I know you're OK. It also reminds me of myself, always on the move, but don't become like me though!

Today was a big day for us. We saw you on the ultrascan - your little feet, long legs, little nose and face. In a somewhat skeletal form... But no matter, it's amazing how you have grown, what a miracle of life, praise God!

We also found out more about you today, that your daddy has gifted you the x chromosome, so you are a girl! I think he is over the moon, because he had always wished for a little girl but dared not hope for one. He had already named you years before you were even conceived, but of course that's a secret for the rest of the world. I guess this is a tiny little bit like God naming and electing His children before the foundation of the world, except He has perfect knowledge of everything.

Straight after the hospital appointment I went to the office (you made me miss a client meeting, but it was definitely worth it). Then I told my boss L about you. I was so scared that he would take it badly because he's quite a workaholic, but thank God for guiding him to react in a contrary manner! I even saw the human side of him then. What a relief, but its not over and I have to keep hiding you for another few days or week. There is another boss, and the rest of the office to tell... Now I'm confident that God will see me through this, because you are a gift from him in the first place!

Enough for today, but hopefully see you again soon, in Singapore! We are flying next week, I hope you are used you planes by now!

Till then, keep on moving, don't stop moving.... xxx

Did you ever talk to God above?

Did you ever talk to God above?

Tell Him that you need a friend to love.

Pray in Jesus’ name believing

that God answers prayer.

Have you told Him all your cares and woes?

Ev’ry tiny little fear He knows.

You can know He’ll always hear

And He will answer prayer.

You can whisper in a crowd to Him.

You can cry when you’re alone to Him.

You don’t have to pray out loud to Him;

He knows your thoughts.

On a lofty mountain peak, He’s there.

In a meadow by a stream, He’s there.

Anywhere on earth you go,

He’s been there from the start.

Find the answer in His Word; it’s true.

You’ll be strong because He walks with you.

By His faithfulness He’ll change you, too.

God answers prayer.

This has always been one of my favourite Sunday School songs. I've now decided that this will be our song (hear that, sista?) 

Now to keep singing it for the next 8 years, and more...gladly!

funny old men

Funny incident which I'd probably still find funny in years to come...

A church choir was started late last year. Obviously with the size of the church the way it is, I thought it'd be better to join. I'm fact I was quite excited about it at the beginning, because the demographics of the church are such that 90℅ of attendees are African or Caribbean, so I naturally expected the famed natural singing talent would prevail. Moreover when choosing the first song I would told to make sure there would be 4 parts - SATB. 

Anyway, it was tough-going. We managed 2 parts for the Christmas piece and the Easter piece, following which I found them the easiest 2-past choral arrangement I could fine,  and still it took us about 3 months to master there song. We are now on to a slightly more challenging, but still easy 3-part piece. I guess the lovely thing about this group is that they are all pretty advanced in age, let's just say half are retirees and the rest a good 10 years ahead of me, and no one has any musical training. Teaching the, a warm-up of singing numbers from 1 to 10 was hard enough, forget anything fancy. Thank God for teaching me patience through this, and for being able to demand less than perfection.

Last Sunday was a sectional practice for the men, and by that I mean all 3 men of the choir. First they locked me out for a good 10 mins, completely oblivious to the persistent doorbell. Then they didn't know the melody of what I thought was a popular hymn. And it was a lot of effort just teaching 8 lines (6 of which had the same tune). It didn't help that the the sun was blazing outside, temperatures were soaring and the fan didn't ventilate the piano area, so I was shouting instructions (otherwise they can't hear), singing (1 person louder than 3), repeating my instructions over and over again before I'm understood. It was boiling hot, halfway through, I couldnt stand anymore and had to sit on the piano bench.. I somehow managed to continue the practice and they couldn't see me or see that anything was wrong, which was fine. 5 mins from the time I would normally end the practice I felt super faint. And I've done so enough times before to know it was really going to happen. So I abruptly called the practice to a halt and said i was feeling a little light-headed... and the next thing that happened is either funny or tragic (I choose the former)... They started apologising profusely for not getting their parts and said they would get it with some practice, promising to improve by the next time! Hilarious!!! Even after I said it was nothing to do with them and everything to do with the heat they continued... So I just left it as that. I'm not sure if they eventually got the point! 

These dear old friends are so funny sometimes :)

BTW I'm not complaining about the hard work or state of the choir. I think its a precious experience- back home we've taken musicality for granted and in fact we don't even use our God-given talents to our best ability; whereas here these folk have zero background and are really trying hard to understand and learn. It is such a privilege to be able to work with them and serve the Lord in some capacity. Also gives me great excuse to import choral scores from the USA and a chance to work those diaphragms again after 4 years of silence. 

invisalign, be gone

just 1 more week until i see the dentist again!!! currently on refinement aligner 8 of 8, yay :) teeth are not perfect, but probably as good as they would be... then follows the removal of those horrible attachments (which actually makes invisalign NOT invisible), and then the free teeth whitening treatment! of course the retainers will come, but wearing them to sleep is a piece of cake after wearing mouth guard equivalents day in and day out! in any case it's probably a good protection against night time teeth grinding, which i allegedly (used to) do. 

when everything is done and dusted, i will have to write a full review of the experience and results, if only to make my money's worth. 

gone also, will be my no snacking in the day rule, because it was simply too troublesome to eat more then 3 meals a day. this is not bode well for my general diet, health or size, but there is always the option of healthy snacking, maybe? 

the countdown begins, and the end is nigh, 3 cheers! 

four years and counting

took me a while to figure out the actual date i stepped off the boat. turned out that it was july 13, 2009, which makes it 4 years and 2 days. now long past my initial 2-3 year horizon, i'm kinda in no man's land - not quite a newbie in this vast city anymore, but also not quite a proper resident (that comes after 5 years, as all immigrants know). 

i must have mentioned this before, but a little over 4 years ago, as I was lingering around the family home, i thought to myself that i might never return to this same home the same way again. and how true that turned out to be. now married, fat(ter) and on my second job, i have inevitably moved on. in fact, i will never be the same person i was again. of course, everyone grows up and is shaped by the circumstances around. people learn different things in different ways.

for some reason, i have always deliberately chosen to learn things the hard way. i wouldn't dare go as far as to say that my life has been a difficult one. nay, far from it, and i must not take for granted the multitude of privileges i have enjoyed. yet, for some reason, it's almost as if i love putting myself in complicated situations. case in point is this recent job move - it seemed as if all the signs were pointing to the fact that i should not take it, but in my heart of hearts, i knew that it would be more of a life choice than a career choice. now safely on the other side (not even safe because i haven't even received my first pay cheque!), i still cannot decide if it was the best thing to do. But the wonderful thing about these situations is that I know that i would have fallen into a trap at some point if not for the fact that there is One who covers these dangers and makes the path straight (in a rather crooked way, if you know what i mean).

anyway, so event after event, year after year, people come and people go, family grow up and older and home, all your friends get married and have kids, and I am well and truly disconnected. whatsapp is only good to a small extent and facetime, forget it there is no appropriate time difference. but these are all excuses, underneath it all the judge of all these relationships is effort. and i have fallen terribly short in that department. perhaps i'm now paying the price, or perhaps it will also be a measure of how deep friendships run (they say the best kind of friendships are the kind where you can pick up right where you left off, anytime.... but i might be pushing the "anytime" factor a bit here).     

right now, i quite miss home, and i can't wait to be back in september, after a whole 21 months. i need to brace myself for some shocks and changes (well all my colleagues have been to singapore more recently than i have and i have no idea what they are talking about with all the new developments). but somewhere somehow, i know that london has now become such an integral part of me, something i'm not sure i can give up easily. but one more important thing i've learnt, is something that i've always known from the cross-stitch that hung at home in singapore - that home, is where the heart is. can the heart be in more than one place at a time? i believe so, and i think the 4 years have made me feel at home in london where my life and immediate family are, whilst my upbringing will always make me feel at home in singapore where my roots, family, friends and affections lie. 

what confused thoughts... 

a new chapter

tomorrow, i start a new job. 

i never thought i'd say this while still in London. once again i'm reminded how divine providence has led me to my first job, new city, new life et al. i had assumed that i would eventually move back home still in the same job, having settled in comfortably. too comfortably, perhaps. 

then came the numerous interviews, both for practice and for exploration purposes. many doors were closed because of many reasons. again, it was divine providence that has led me through the next open door. it was not the easiest of decisions and it had not gone all smoothly, but I believe that God's timing is perfect and He will see everything through perfectly. the husband has been incredibly supportive through the process and it was partially his firm conviction that it was the right move that also convinced me that this was a step in the right direction.

we shall see starting tomorrow.

obviously i leave the old shop with many fond memories, some not-so-fond ones, many good people met (in the professional sense) and some not-so-good ones. i hope i had made a positive impact on the job and the people around me. I hope that I have kept up my testimony and that it had a positive impact on the lives i have interacted with. 

a new challenge to build up a christian testimony in another un-christian workplace starts imminently. 

so much has happened in the last couple of months, absolutely hectic days and nights, as well as a 2 week break in which i had grand plans but small accomplishments. 

i had planned to become all domesticated, but in reality, all i had achieved were: (1) cook lasagna, which is super hard work (2) bake a victoria sponge, which is almost impossible without a proper mixing bowl  (3) attended a funeral and ventured in the car alone to enfield (4) some small household chores which i could have done in any normal weekend anyway (5) go to billingsgate market early in the morning and bought some fresh seafood, returning home before D even woke up for work (6) met new colleagues, old colleagues and friends for meals (7) visited N and kids on a weekday afternoon (8) brought aunt and uncle around (9) went to the V&A museum, finally (10) watched a lot of tennis on TV (11) went to paris for the Roland Garros. 

time to snap out of the holiday mode and get down to plenty of hard work!!! please help me, God.

Breaking point

Another horrible Sunday on the London Transport network. As if a normal 4 hour journey is not enough, everything had to go wrong today.

1st journey was too good to be true. Trains arrived when I got to stations, ran for the bus and caught it. Was only 2 mins late for choir practice.

2nd journey was a disaster before I could get on the bus. Road was jam-packed and the bus could not even get to the bus stop. Took about 30 mins just to travel the distance of 3 bus stops. Missed the jubilee line and only got home at 2pm.

3rd journey. This is always the most depressing. Trains and buses are always packed with people on the home bound journey, after a day of shopping and other miscellaneous activities, and every step I take takes me further from home. In any case the bus was going to take 8mins. When it finally arrived of course it was packed and every stop took an eternity. Halfway through the journey, the driver announced that it was the last stop and everyone has to get off. The next bus was going to take 11 mins, so I decided to walk the rest of the way in the freezing cold.

4th and final journey. Another 11 min wait for the bus, but it was all as fine as it could be until Stratford. To my horror the jubilee line was closed. Reason - person under train at canning town. So I head to the DLR station, 9 mins was the wait. Grrr. And a longer journey home.

Fed up! I need this car, been putting it off for 3 years now and from the looks of it it's not going to happen. Or I need a new church, as much as i love this one. When will it go past breaking point and snap?

is that alright?

(in a british accent)

it's amazing how the brits always manage to talk their way out of anything. 

last night i was telling d about a conversation in the office. my brit boss was on the phone with the bankers. he was about to reject a transaction. he starts off really friendly, "you alright? have you fallen off the roof yet?" (no idea what that means but it was friendly banter). and then he goes on to qualify how he has not been as close to the deal as his colleagues (i.e. juniors) but in the nutshell it is pretty rubbish deal. after about a minute spent breaking the bad news, he goes, "is that alright?" as if nothing bad happened. poor banker on the phone had no choice but to agree. of course i've heard this many times before, usually after you've been given some negative feedback, or some complicated task, but never quite thought about the power of these magic words. 

today, it was my turn to get tricked. i was trying to arrange a temporary blackberry for when i work in singapore later in the year. but somehow, the conversation deteriorated very quickly, and the subject became getting a permanent device. the flattery begins... you work so hard anywya, always in the office waiting for emails, logging in from home, a bb would be good for you, you can reply emails from home, work harder, clear emails on your way to work, etc etc.... IS THAT ALRIGHT? and what could i say. 

magic words, those. only if said in a brit accent. i need to learn. for now, goodbye life. up until now, i could completely erase everything work related as i walked through the main doors. walking through the doors again the next morning everything would suddenly come rushing back to me, just minutes before i plonk myself in front of my computer and open my inbox. i guess that's no more to be. owell.

the black trousers of memories

on the first work day of the new year, i woke up, thinking i would start the new year afresh, bright and early without rushing to work. 

of course that didn't happen. i was sleepy and tired, and late as usual. at a loss of what to wear, as usual, i reach for the my faithful black trousers that has lasted me so many years... maybe it was a new year thing that causes one to become more sentimental, all these thought about being one year older, another year away from family, etc etc...

so the story of the black trousers began back in 2007. I was about to embark on my first internship at IE Singapore , and the night before I was to start, for some reason I decided that i needed a pair of black work trousers. It was a Sunday night and mummy was out of town on a mission trip. So Daddy took on  Mummy's usual role, and we went to Robinson's centre point on a mission. Only problem was they were all really expensive (at that time), but I really didn't want to spend $60 on a pair of trousers, but Daddy was ever-supportive, and the ever-patient passive shopper. He hung around the ladies section while i looked (as he usually does when he's out with 4 ladies, haha).... and then he made his comments and gave his opinion. We bought it in the end because he said this was a good pair of trousers which would last a long time, and he was right of course. It has since lasted me 2 internships and almost 4 years of work. I would reach for it every couple of weeks without a second thought. but this time i thought of this little simple incident and I missed my daddy. He put down what he was doing on a sunday night after dinner, went down with me to town, and spent a fortune (for someone whose lunch budget was something like $20 a week) on a whim of his daughter who thought she was to embark of a career which turned out not to be. 

it all sounds very trivial now but it's amazing the little things we remember and the acts of love in them. hope my dear family is off to a great start to 2013!